in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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