you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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