maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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