Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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