why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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