I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This house was built for laser tag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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