I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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