You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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