OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
