If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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