Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
