Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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