thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I seem to have left my pride at pride
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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