Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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