My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
