New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize