It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
