Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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