I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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