I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
