sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
