This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
