What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
