i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
