i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
