Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
