sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
