You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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