I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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