the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
