I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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