shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
