There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
