I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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