I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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