Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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