considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
