Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
