I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When are your genitals available?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
