Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you will always have a special place in my vag
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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