Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
