I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
