i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
