So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
