Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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