I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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