you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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