Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
