Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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