I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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