guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
