I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
