i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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