Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
