girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
did you just send me my own nude
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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