Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
