Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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