Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
