wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
