oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
