She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
