This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
