I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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