I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
