I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
