You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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