I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
