I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
