Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
