I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
