So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
