why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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