i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
