it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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