i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
